The Angel & Devil Side of ME
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Whenever the sky turn dark,
I'm alone in the bus,
On my way home,
Often, I would do some Self-reflection of myself.
I know i wasn't in the right mood & set of mind recently. Almost went A-wire. I get frustrated, upset & whatever shit. Even in my dream, I vent my anger on someone close. Scolding her like freak tat never happen i would scold someone till like tat before. I happened to drop by a website about dream & it tell me this, by venting ur anger even in ur dream shows something like that, I'm somehow holding or expressing anger, symbolizes frustrations and disappointments in your Self & I tend to repress my negative emotions or project my anger onto others & I need to look within myself. Yeah, I find it true enough to believe.
Its time to look within myself. I tried hard to look within myself, doing self reflection. Came out with the result of I'm disappointed in myself, very disappointed. I haven been truthful enough to myself, I haven been real to others. I have been greedy enough to be, I have been really selfish to others. I haven been a grown-up person like i should be right now, I know i have been dangling around, not facing the facts, not on the right track & the right mindset. I wish someone who can fucking hell wake me up, scold me like a freak, slap me up, guide me through. Just fucking hell wake me up will do. I'm still in my lalaland with no planning of my future.
The angel & devil side of me. I know i'm not supposed to do this yet I can't resist the feeling of temptation & I stayed on the devil side. Get what i mean? I want everything yet i know i shouldn't have ask for tat much. I supposed to be truthful & shut all the lie, or maybe not lie. Just something i don't speak through heart. Every word i speak, neither i know how real it is. Never failed there is doubt. When it comes to question, I'm not confident with my answer. I often show my concern to people around but how true is my concern can be. Its just putting on a show or i really do care. By thinking about others yet How much i care about myself?
How real is my laughter now. I laugh so loud, make sure you laugh with me too. I cried so loud, stay far make sure you don't hear it ! I don't know, somehow i getting tired. I wish i could cry or maybe i wish i could change & gets better. I want to re-know myself, better still i would want to understand myself, know what i want. I'm sucha emotional. I feel left out, empty & lost. I'm too sensitive about everything around. I hate regrets & I don't want to leave any behind. If 2012 comes, if i'm still like tat.. The most thing i most regret I never understand myself since !
Okay okay, readers. I know... I know.. I'm emotional & I think too much. Yes, trust me.. I think alot ! Until i going mad soon or maybe under some kind of slight depression. Wahahahahahahaha! I doubt so. If i tell you, I ever thought of hurting myself, you believe... LOL! Well, my smile cover it all(?) LOL! AHA! My lost smile... Yes, it went missing somehow, if you could feel, or see. HAHA! I don't know what happen, what stress i'm under, what troubling me. LOL! Its just me troubling me(?) Get it?! LOL!
.....
how much you understand me?!!!?!!!
LOL.
Still i'm fine.